Sunday, May 29, Part 1

LAS VEGAS -- Blag the Ripper here, representing the Dwarves, the very last punk band in America. 

Banned from bowling because of our outlandish attire -- or rather lack thereof -- I have relied on updates from Stacey Dee, singer for Bad Cop/Bad Cop. Her squad Goan Bowling struggled with not terribly flattering outfits, but still managed to be cute in a punk rock way. 

The Fat Wreck Chords Team is strong this year, as is Team Tony Danzig, proving once again who the boss really is. A surprise first-round loss for defending champs Hell's Kitchen sent leader Flash to the poker tables where he is proceeding to lose his bowling shirt. 

Epitaph and BYO continue their epic decades-long battle for who can put out the worst records. 

And speaking of atrocious records, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies featuring Spike Slawson rock the crowd tonight with punk rock cover versions of songs no one has ever heard of. We await their Kylie Minogue tribute with bated breath. 

Music fans rejoice as the mighty Descendents return to the stage for the first time in 14 years with original singer Milo, finally back from college and ready to sing about all the girls who rejected him in junior high. Bouncing Souls supply much-needed East Coast sincerity and boyish good looks to the evening's entertainment. 

Stay tuned for Monday when the Dwarves hit the stage with vegan carnivores Agnostic Front, affirmative action recipients Manic Hispanic and clean-living choirboys Leftover Crack! 

Bowl one for me, kids! 


Sunday, May 29, Part 2

LAS VEGAS -- Nothing but upsets here at Punk Rock Bowling, folks! Filthy Thieving B******* Team is out like an unemployed steelworker from Oakland! Fat Wreck Chords Team is out like a messed-up clown at an International Mime convention! Perennial powerhouse BYO eliminated in the second round of finals, leaving this tournament both tasteless and fatherless! 

And the winner is … B.C. Smokeshop from Victoria, British Columbia! This is the first time that our neighbors to the north have won this fierce competition, eh? 

Spectators almost hurled their poutine and maple flapjacks, and Canada claimed victory and walked away with the most coveted trophy in Punk. 

Regulars are calling it a complete clusterfudge of previously unknown teams and ringers making a mockery of the punk rock proceedings. Crestfallen patriots are headed to the Sam's Town bar in droves to drown their sorrows and watch animatronic animals graze on hepatitis-flavored peanuts. As Team Ted Nugent might say -- "it's a free for all!" 

Blag the Ripper signing off for Team Dwarves and the gallant men of Vandelay Industries. Catch us Monday night at PRB and a cast of thousands! 

Blag Dahlia is the singer for the Dwarves, who will be taking part in the 13th Annual Punk Rock Bowling & Music Festival during Memorial Day weekend in Las Vegas. Watch for more blogs from Punk Rock Bowling participants on ESPN Music throughout the weekend.